Settling In

Today, as I was talking to my co-worker, I realized that I am beginning to have real friends here. The Turkish society values hospitality so much that a visitor always feels welcome. A visit from a friend or a stranger is seen as a joy and treated as such. Instead of the fold-out couch, the owners' vacate the best bed for the visitor, he or she is to eat first, eat most, and eat the best food, and to be made comfortable in all ways. Although the hosts may be curious about the visitor, they are careful not to ask questions that may be thought impolite.

All this, however, is something different than real friendship and trust which is slowly built and earned, necessarily taking time. Yesterday a co-worker who has always been more than kind to me, but always in the role of fixer and helper, confided in me some sadness she had been experiencing - a love lost in a car crash years ago, and the effects that still linger today. I realized that we had broken through a barrier, that somehow she saw me more as an equal and less of a dependent. Although I think she and my other office mate will continue to call me "yavrum" when they talk about me in the third person (a word meaning young one). My Turkish is getting better, however, and I'll be listening for it.

During New Year's Eve I shared a meal with three friends, Evren, Essen, and Okan. Okan told me to remember that I am not alone in Turkey. If I ever need anything just to call. I realized that Evren and I had gotten past the "polite friends" stage; I know that she has a silly streak beneath her dignified exterior. As a result I have adopted her family's nickname for her "tavuk" chicken. And Essen felt comfortable enough to tell me that I had totally messed up the Turkish coffee, and that I must let her take over if, that is, I want it to be drinkable. . .

I realized today that the call to prayer rarely wakes me up anymore; in fact, its familiar sound has mostly faded into the background. It no longer feels like an expedition to go to the pazar and bargain for vegetables, and the bus system has become (at least semi-)comprehensible. As these friendships slowly grow and I learn my way around the city, the culture that was so foreign to me just three months ago feels a little more like home.